Monday, November 14, 2005

Height of Confusion!

This is a bit corny... but it cracked up...Enjoy this terrific telephone conversation between William Knott and Mr Watt :
.................................................. .......

"Who's calling?" was the answer to the telephone.
"Watt."
"What is your name, please?"
"Watt's my name."
"That's what I asked you. What's your name?"
"That's what I told you. Watt's my name."
A long pause, and then from Watt, "Is this James Brown?"
"No, this is Knott."
"Please tell me your name."
"Will Knott."
YOU LEFT THE TALKERS AT A POINT WHERE THEY WERE TOTALLY CONFUSED,READ
THE REST OF WHAT HAPPENED...
"Why not?"
"Huh? What do you mean why not?"
"Yeah! Why won't you tell me your name?"
"But I told you my name!"
"Didn't you say you will not?"
"Not not, knott, Will Knott!"
"That's what I mean."
"So you know my name."
"Of course not!"
"Good. So now, what is yours?"
"Watt. Yours?"
"Your name!"
"Watt's my name."
"How the hell do I know? I am asking you!"
"Look I have been very patient and I have told you my name and you
have
not even told me yours yet.."
"You have been patient, what about me?"
"I have told you my name so many times and it is u who have not told
me
yours yet."
"Of course not!"
"See, you even know my name!"
"Of course not!"
"Then why do you keep saying of course Knott?"
"Because I don't."
[Pause]
"What is your name?"
"See, you know my name!"
"Of course not!"
"Then why do you keep saying Watt is your name"
"To find out your name!"
"But you already know it!"
"What?"
"See, and you know mine!"
"Of course not!"
"Exactly!"
NOW THEY ARE AT A POINT WHERE BOTH THINK THE OTHER KNOWS THEIR NAME,
BUT THEY THEMSELVES DON'T KNOW THE OTHER'S NAME.
"Listen, listen, wait; if I asked you what your name is, what will be
your
answer?"
"Watt's my name."
"No, no, give me only one word."
"Watt"
"Your name!"
"Right!"
[Pause before it hits him]
"Oh, Wright!"
"Yeah!"
"So why didn't you say it before?"
"I told you so many times!"
"You never said Wright before"
"Of course I did."
"Ok I won't argue any more. Do you know my name?"
"I do not."
"Well, there you go, now we know each other's name."
"I do not!"
"Good!"
[Pause before it hits him]
"Oh, Guud!"
"Good."
"No wonder, it took me so long, is that Dutch?"
"No, it's Knott!"
"Oh, okay. At least the names are clear now Guud."
"Yes Wright."

Saturday, October 01, 2005

Proud to be a Bangalorean!!!

Here r some interestings facts about bangalore...

1. Bangalore has the impeccable record of highest growth within a span of 20 years.
2. Bangalore has highest number of pubs in Asia .
3. Bangalore has highest number of cigarette smokers in India .
4. Bangalore has the highest number of software companies in India -212,followed by Hyderabad - 108, Pune - 97. Hence called the silicon valley of India
5. Bangalore has 21 engineering colleges, which is highest in the world in a
given city. Bangalore university has 57 engineering colleges affiliated to it,which is highest in the world.
6. Bangalore is the only city in the world to have commercial and defence airport operating from the same strip.
7. Bangalore has highest number of public sectors and government organizations in India .
8. Bangalore university has highest number of students going abroad for higher studies taking the first place from IIT-Kanpur.
9. Bangalore has only 48% of local population(i.e.Kannadigas).Hence a true cosmopolitan with around 25% Tamilians,14%Telugites, 10% Keralites, 8% Europeans, 6% a mixture of all races.
10. Bangalore police has the reputation of being second best in India after Delhi.
11. Bangalore has the highest density of traffic in india.
12. Bangalore has the highest number of 2-wheelers in the world.
13. Bangalore is considered the fashion capital of east comparable to Paris.
15. Bangalore has produced the maximum international sportsmen in India for all sports ahead of even Mumbai & Delhi.
16. Bangalore has produced the maximum number of scientists considered for Nobel Prize nominations.
17. Bangalore has produced the highest number of professionals in USA almost 60% of the Indian population abroad is from Bangalore (except Gulf).
18. Bangalore is famous for THREE: Software Professionals, Girls and Dogs.

This one is Ultimate
19. Bangalore is famous for its dog bites, an average of 12 people are
bitten by stray dogs per MINUTE somewhere in Bangalore

Bow Wow Bangalore !

!!!!!!!!! PROUD TO BE A BANG BANG BANGALOREAN!!!!!!!

Tuesday, September 20, 2005

The Euro English

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.

As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5- year phase-in plan that would become known as "Euro-English".

In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy.
The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of "k". This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.
Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.

By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v".

During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensibl riten styl.
Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.

Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas.

Monday, July 11, 2005

Where do I even begin???

- should I start listing the day-to-day happenings since past couple of weeks?

- should I start thanking a few people who I hold a very high regard for?

- should I start by telling you how Luke turns to the dark side and becomes Darth Vader?

- should I start whinging about the actions (or the lack of it) of the not so highly regarded people?

- should I start venting out my frustrations?


I'm now in Melbourne, in the NLC National Office... reminiscing... reflecting... pondering... on the dramatic turn of events in the last couple of weeks... and I'm still coming to grips with it. I just cannot digest the fact that I'm totally out of the organisation... the organisation I so ardently believed in... the organisation I proudly associated with... the organisation I worked so hard for by compromising everything else... the organisation that taught me so much... the organisation which gave me the oppotunity to meet my role models... for more than one whole year... I've lived and breathed the name NLC... I'm gonna miss this organisation and the wonderful people (with a few exceptions of course!) who are a part of it.

Coming to think of it... I didn't really lose anything at all... I actually WON... and this has in some ways made me believe in this organisation even more! Its like the Republican Referandum elections when ALP got more number of votes, but the Coalition in fact came back to power because they won more electorates and thus more seats! So, though both parties actually claimed victory... it was obvious what the wishes of the majority was... and everyone knew who the real winner was!

My sincere thanks to SA, WA & Tas and of course Chancellor Palpatine & the Godfather... for believing in me. It means a lot to me.

But hey... just because the organisation, because of some political bullshit has excluded me from physically being a part of it... does not mean for one moment that I'm gonna run away. I'm a fighter after all... and I cannot be kicked out so easily. (sorry if I disappointed anyone... you'll have to try harder to get rid of me... much harder!!!)


:::: TO WHOMSOEVER IT MAY CONCERN ::::

Watch out... PK is still in da houz!

:::: NEVER SAY DIE ::::

Sunday, June 19, 2005

"Saving is Sin, Spending is Virtue"

Is Consumerism the way to go for India??? Well... thats what this Indian economist - Dr. Jagdish Bhagwati in his Neo-Economics article suggests:


Japanese save a lot. They do not spend much.Also Japan exports far more than it imports. Has an annual trade surplus of over $100 billions.Yet Japanese economy is considered weak, even collapsing.

Americans spend, save little. Also US imports more than it exports. Has an annual trade deficit of over $400 billion. Yet, the American economy is considered strong and trusted to get stronger. But where from do Americans get money to spend?

They borrow from Japan, China and even India. Virtually others save for the US to spend. Global savings are mostly invested in US, in dollars. India itself keeps its foreign currency assets of over $50 billions in US securities. China has sunk over $160 billion in US securities. Japan's stakes in US securities is in trillions.

Result:
The U S has taken over $5 trillion from the world. So, as the world saves for the US, Americans spend freely. Today, to keep the US consumption going, that is for the US economy to work,other countries have to remit $180 billion every quarter, which is $2 billion a day, to the US! Otherwise the US economy would go for a six. So will the global economy. The result will be no different if US consumers begin consuming less.
A Chinese economist asked a neat question. Who has invested more, US in China, or China in US? The US has invested in China less than half of what China has invested in US. The same is the case with India. We have invested in US over $50
billion. But the US has invested less than $20 billion in India.

Why the world is after US?

The secret lies in the American spending, that they hardly save. In fact they use their credit cards to spend their future income. That the US spends is what makes it attractive to export to th e US. So US imports more than what it exports year after year.

The result:

The world is dependent on US consumption for its growth. By its deepening culture of consumption, the US has habituated the world to feed on US consumption. But as the US needs money to finance its consumption, the world provides the money. It's like a shopkeeper providing the money to a customer so that the customer keeps buying from the shop. If the customer will not buy, the shop won't have business, unless the shopkeeper funds him. The US is like the lucky customer. And the world is like the helpless shopkeeper financier.

Who is America's biggest shopkeeper financier?
Japan of course. Yet it's Japan which is regarded as weak. Modern economists complain that Japanese do not spend, so they do not grow. To force the Japanese to spend, the Japanese government exerted it self, reduced the savings rates, even charged the savers. Even then the Japanesedid not spend (habits don't change, even with taxes, do they?). Their traditional postal savings alone is over $1.2 trillions, about three
times the Indian GDP. Thus, savings, far from being the strength of Japan, has become its pain.

Hence, what is the lesson?

That is, a nation cannot grow unless the people spend, not save. Not just spend, but borrow and spend. Dr. Jagdish Bhagwati, the famous Indian-born economist in the US, told Manmohan Singh, the Indian PM, that Indians wastefully save. Ask them to spend, on imported cars and, seriously, even on cosmetics! This will put India on a growth curve.

"Saving is sin, and spending is virtue." Before you follow this neo economics, get some fools to save so that you can borrow from them and spend.

This is what US has successfully done in last few decades.

Saturday, June 18, 2005

Stay Hungry... Stay Foolish

Stanford Report, June 14, 2005

'You've got to find what you love,' Jobs says

This is the text of the Commencement address by Steve Jobs, CEO of Apple Computer and of Pixar Animation Studios, delivered on June 12, 2005.

I am honored to be with you today at your commencement from one of the finest universities in the world. I never graduated from college. Truth be told, this is the closest I've ever gotten to a college graduation. Today I want to tell you three stories from my life. That's it. No big deal. Just three stories.

The first story is about connecting the dots.

I dropped out of Reed College after the first 6 months, but then stayed around as a drop-in for another 18 months or so before I really quit. So why did I drop out?

It started before I was born. My biological mother was a young, unwed college graduate student, and she decided to put me up for adoption. She felt very strongly that I should be adopted by college graduates, so everything was all set for me to be adopted at birth by a lawyer and his wife. Except that when I popped out they decided at the last minute that they really wanted a girl. So my parents, who were on a waiting list, got a call in the middle of the night asking: "We have an unexpected baby boy; do you want him?" They said: "Of course." My biological mother later found out that my mother had never graduated from college and that my father had never graduated from high school. She refused to sign the final adoption papers. She only relented a few months later when my parents promised that I would someday go to college.

And 17 years later I did go to college. But I naively chose a college that was almost as expensive as Stanford, and all of my working-class parents' savings were being spent on my college tuition. After six months, I couldn't see the value in it. I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life and no idea how college was going to help me figure it out. And here I was spending all of the money my parents had saved their entire life. So I decided to drop out and trust that it would all work out OK. It was pretty scary at the time, but looking back it was one of the best decisions I ever made. The minute I dropped out I could stop taking the required classes that didn't interest me, and begin dropping in on the ones that looked interesting.

It wasn't all romantic. I didn't have a dorm room, so I slept on the floor in friends' rooms, I returned coke bottles for the 5¢ deposits to buy food with, and I would walk the 7 miles across town every Sunday night to get one good meal a week at the Hare Krishna temple. I loved it. And much of what I stumbled into by following my curiosity and intuition turned out to be priceless later on. Let me give you one example:

Reed College at that time offered perhaps the best calligraphy instruction in the country. Throughout the campus every poster, every label on every drawer, was beautifully hand calligraphed. Because I had dropped out and didn't have to take the normal classes, I decided to take a calligraphy class to learn how to do this. I learned about serif and san serif typefaces, about varying the amount of space between different letter combinations, about what makes great typography great. It was beautiful, historical, artistically subtle in a way that science can't capture, and I found it fascinating.

None of this had even a hope of any practical application in my life. But ten years later, when we were designing the first Macintosh computer, it all came back to me. And we designed it all into the Mac. It was the first computer with beautiful typography. If I had never dropped in on that single course in college, the Mac would have never had multiple typefaces or proportionally spaced fonts. And since Windows just copied the Mac, its likely that no personal computer would have them. If I had never dropped out, I would have never dropped in on this calligraphy class, and personal computers might not have the wonderful typography that they do. Of course it was impossible to connect the dots looking forward when I was in college. But it was very, very clear looking backwards ten years later.

Again, you can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something - your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life.

My second story is about love and loss.

I was lucky – I found what I loved to do early in life. Woz and I started Apple in my parents garage when I was 20. We worked hard, and in 10 years Apple had grown from just the two of us in a garage into a $2 billion company with over 4000 employees. We had just released our finest creation - the Macintosh - a year earlier, and I had just turned 30. And then I got fired. How can you get fired from a company you started? Well, as Apple grew we hired someone who I thought was very talented to run the company with me, and for the first year or so things went well. But then our visions of the future began to diverge and eventually we had a falling out. When we did, our Board of Directors sided with him. So at 30 I was out. And very publicly out. What had been the focus of my entire adult life was gone, and it was devastating.

I really didn't know what to do for a few months. I felt that I had let the previous generation of entrepreneurs down - that I had dropped the baton as it was being passed to me. I met with David Packard and Bob Noyce and tried to apologize for screwing up so badly. I was a very public failure, and I even thought about running away from the valley. But something slowly began to dawn on me – I still loved what I did. The turn of events at Apple had not changed that one bit. I had been rejected, but I was still in love. And so I decided to start over.

I didn't see it then, but it turned out that getting fired from Apple was the best thing that could have ever happened to me. The heaviness of being successful was replaced by the lightness of being a beginner again, less sure about everything. It freed me to enter one of the most creative periods of my life.

During the next five years, I started a company named NeXT, another company named Pixar, and fell in love with an amazing woman who would become my wife. Pixar went on to create the worlds first computer animated feature film, Toy Story, and is now the most successful animation studio in the world. In a remarkable turn of events, Apple bought NeXT, I retuned to Apple, and the technology we developed at NeXT is at the heart of Apple's current renaissance. And Laurene and I have a wonderful family together.

I'm pretty sure none of this would have happened if I hadn't been fired from Apple. It was awful tasting medicine, but I guess the patient needed it. Sometimes life hits you in the head with a brick. Don't lose faith. I'm convinced that the only thing that kept me going was that I loved what I did. You've got to find what you love. And that is as true for your work as it is for your lovers. Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven't found it yet, keep looking. Don't settle. As with all matters of the heart, you'll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking until you find it. Don't settle.

My third story is about death.

When I was 17, I read a quote that went something like: "If you live each day as if it was your last, someday you'll most certainly be right." It made an impression on me, and since then, for the past 33 years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: "If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?" And whenever the answer has been "No" for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something.

Remembering that I'll be dead soon is the most important tool I've ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything – all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure - these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.

About a year ago I was diagnosed with cancer. I had a scan at 7:30 in the morning, and it clearly showed a tumor on my pancreas. I didn't even know what a pancreas was. The doctors told me this was almost certainly a type of cancer that is incurable, and that I should expect to live no longer than three to six months. My doctor advised me to go home and get my affairs in order, which is doctor's code for prepare to die. It means to try to tell your kids everything you thought you'd have the next 10 years to tell them in just a few months. It means to make sure everything is buttoned up so that it will be as easy as possible for your family. It means to say your goodbyes.

I lived with that diagnosis all day. Later that evening I had a biopsy, where they stuck an endoscope down my throat, through my stomach and into my intestines, put a needle into my pancreas and got a few cells from the tumor. I was sedated, but my wife, who was there, told me that when they viewed the cells under a microscope the doctors started crying because it turned out to be a very rare form of pancreatic cancer that is curable with surgery. I had the surgery and I'm fine now.

This was the closest I've been to facing death, and I hope its the closest I get for a few more decades. Having lived through it, I can now say this to you with a bit more certainty than when death was a useful but purely intellectual concept:

No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven don't want to die to get there. And yet death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it. And that is as it should be, because Death is very likely the single best invention of Life. It is Life's change agent. It clears out the old to make way for the new. Right now the new is you, but someday not too long from now, you will gradually become the old and be cleared away. Sorry to be so dramatic, but it is quite true.

Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma - which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of other's opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.

When I was young, there was an amazing publication called The Whole Earth Catalog, which was one of the bibles of my generation. It was created by a fellow named Stewart Brand not far from here in Menlo Park, and he brought it to life with his poetic touch. This was in the late 1960's, before personal computers and desktop publishing, so it was all made with typewriters, scissors, and polaroid cameras. It was sort of like Google in paperback form, 35 years before Google came along: it was idealistic, and overflowing with neat tools and great notions.

Stewart and his team put out several issues of The Whole Earth Catalog, and then when it had run its course, they put out a final issue. It was the mid-1970s, and I was your age. On the back cover of their final issue was a photograph of an early morning country road, the kind you might find yourself hitchhiking on if you were so adventurous. Beneath it were the words: "Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish." It was their farewell message as they signed off. Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish. And I have always wished that for myself. And now, as you graduate to begin anew, I wish that for you.

Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish.

Thank you all very much.

Monday, June 13, 2005

Hinglish Humar

A Tribute to the Teachers/Professors of India, on their usage of English

# Inside the Class:
* Open the doors of the window. Let the atmosphere come in.
* Open the doors of the window. Let the Air Force come in.
* Cut an apple into two halves - take the bigger half.
* Shhh...Quiet, boys...the principal just passed away in the corridor.
* You, meet me behind the class. ( meaning AFTER the class ..)
* Both of u three, get out of the class.
* Close the doors of the windows please .. I have winter in my nose today.
* Take Copper Wire of any metal especially of Silver.
* Take 5 cm wire of any length.
* shhh... quite, the principal is rotating in the school.
* (Facing the Board) Dont talk in front of my back.

# About his family:
* I have two daughters. Both of them are girls....(?)

# At the field:
* All of you, stand in a straight circle.
* There is no wind in the ball.

# To a boy who interrupted a conversation, angrily:
* I talk, he talk, why you middle middle talk?

# Giving punishment:
* You, rotate the field four times...
* You, go and under-stand the tree...
* You three of you, stand together separately.
* Why are you late - say YES or NO ....(?)

# Sir at his best:
Sir had once gone to a film with his wife. By chance, he happened to see one of our boys at the theatre, though the boy did not see them. So the next day at school (to that boy): "Yesterday I saw you WITH MY WIFE at the Cinema Theatre."

==============================
And here's my own anecdotal experience!

At high-school, in a Commerce class, our teacher was this short-tempered middle-aged balding guy, who had a great sense of humour and was a pretty cool guy in general. I was sitting in the last bench of the class with 2 other boys and the class-room door was right next to us. One of the boys had a pager (this was pre-mobile phone era... in India at least) and we were checking out a Cricket match scores which was going on at that time and we were, I guess, making a bit of noise. So, the teacher got really angry and shouted "Last bench... get out". So the three of us, cooly got up, picked up the bench and carried it outside and got back in! And the whole class burst into laughter!

Thursday, June 02, 2005

passing it on...

Just when I had nearly forgotten the address to my own blog & the only purpose of my blog was to trade on Blogshares, I get this baton! Thanks Adrian ! No really... now I've got an excuse to put a post!!!


Total Volume of Music on my Computer:
2183 songs, 7.1 days, 7.36 GB

The Last Cd I Bought:
Blur - 13 (just for the song "tender")


Song playing:
Superman... Its not easy (Five for fighting)


Five songs, I listen to alot:

* Main title from "The Last of the Mohicans" - Mohicans
* Natural Blues (Play) - Moby
* Whiteflag (No Angel) - Dido
* Glory Box (Dummy) - Portishead
* Glycerine (Sixteen Stone) - Bush

(oh btw... I listen to a lot of Micheal Tolcher as well... wonder why!!!?)


Five songs, that mean a lot to me:

* So far away (Album: 14 shades of Grey) - Staind
* Big Yellow Taxi - Counting Crows & Vanessa Carlton
* La positive attitude (Attitudes) - Lorie
* Everybody hurts (Corrs Unplugged) - The Corrs
* Sky's the limit (In Stereo) - Bomfunk MC


Five people to whom I’m passing the baton:

*
  • tiffy

  • *
  • justin

  • *
  • 'tasha

  • *
  • jolene

  • *
  • hsinnie




  • p.s. - wondering what blogshares is??? click on the "BLOGSHARES" tag on the right! ;)

    Friday, May 06, 2005

    My Blogshares profile!
























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    The Perfect couple!

    Once upon a time, a perfect man and a perfect woman met. After a perfect courtship, they had a perfect wedding. Their life together was, of course, perfect.

    One snowy, stormy Christmas Eve, this perfect couple was driving their perfect car along a winding road, when they noticed someone at the side of the road in distress.

    Being the perfect couple, they stopped to help.

    There stood Santa Claus with a huge bundle of toys. Not wanting to disappoint any children on the eve of Christmas, the perfect couple loaded Santa and his toys into their vehicle.





    Soon they were driving along delivering the toys. Unfortunately, the driving conditions deteriorated and the perfect couple; and Santa Claus had an accident.

    Only one of them survived the accident.

    Question: Who was the survivor?













    Answer:

    The perfect woman survived. She's the only one who really existed in the first place. Everyone knows there is no Santa Claus and there is no such thing as a perfect man!



    **** Women stop reading here, that is the end of the joke.

    **** Men keep scrolling.












    So, if there is no perfect man and no Santa Claus, the woman must have been driving. This explains why there was a car accident.



    **** Men Keep scrolling












    By the way, if you're a woman and you're still reading, this
    illustrates another point: Women never listen

    Wednesday, April 27, 2005

    Here's one to Sydney-siders!

    This is hilarious!!!

    > Just imagine sitting in traffic on your way to work and hearing this.
    >
    > Many Sydneyfolks DID hear this on the FOX FM morning show in Sydney.

    The DJs play a game where they award winners great prizes. The game is called "Mate Match".
    >
    > The DJs call someone at work and ask if they are married or
    seriously
    > involved with someone. If the contestant answers "yes", he or she is
    > then
    > asked 3 random yet highly personal questions. The person is also
    asked to divulge the name of their partner (with phone number) for
    verification.
    > If their partner answers those same three questions correctly, they both
    > win the prize.
    >
    > One particular game, however, several months ago made the City of Big
    > Shoulders drop to its knees with laughter and is possibly the funniest
    > thing you've heard yet.
    >
    > Anyway, here's how it all went down:

    DJ: "Hey! This is Ed on FOX-FM. Have you ever heard of 'Mate Match'?"
    >
    > Contestant: (laughing) "Yes, I have."
    >
    > DJ: "Great! Then you know we're giving away a trip to the Gold Coast if
    > you win. What is your name? First only please."
    >
    > Contestant: "Brian."
    >
    > DJ: "Brian, are you married or what?"
    >
    > Brian: (laughing nervously) "Yes, I am married."
    >
    > DJ: "Thank you. Now, what is your wife's name? First only please."
    >
    > Brian: "Sara."
    >
    > DJ: "Is Sara at work, Brian?"
    >
    > Brian: "She is gonna kill me."
    >
    > DJ "Stay with me here, Brian! Is she at work?"
    >
    > Brian: (laughing) "Yes, she's at work."
    >
    > DJ: "Okay, first question - when was the last time you had sex?"
    >
    > Brian: "About 8 o'clock this morning."
    >
    > DJ: "Atta boy, Brian."
    >
    > Brian: (laughing sheepishly) "Well..."
    >
    > DJ: "Question #2 - How long did it last?"
    >
    > Brian: "About 10 minutes."
    >
    > DJ: "Wow! You really want that trip, huh? No one would ever have said that if a trip wasn't at stake."
    >
    > Brian: "Yeah, that trip sure would be nice."
    >
    > DJ: "Okay. Final question. Where did you have sex at 8 o'clock this
    > morning?
    >
    > Brian: (laughing hard) "I, ummm, I, well..."
    >
    > DJ: "This sounds good, Brian. Where was it at?"
    >
    > Brian: "Not that it was all that great, but her mum is staying with us for a couple of weeks..."
    >
    > DJ: "Uh huh..."
    >
    > Brian: "...and the Mother-In-Law was in the shower at the time."
    >
    > DJ: "Atta boy, Brian."
    >
    > Brian: "On the kitchen table."
    >
    > DJ: "Not that great?? That is more adventure than the previous hundred
    > times I've done it. Okay folks, I will put Brian on hold, get this
    > wife's work number and call her up. You listen to this."
    >
    > [ 3 minutes of commercials follow. ]
    >
    > DJ: "Okay audience; let's call Sarah, shall we?" (Touch
    > tones.....ringing....)
    >
    > Clerk: "Kinkos."
    >
    > DJ: "Hey, is Sarah around there somewhere?"
    >
    > Clerk: "This is she."
    >
    > DJ: "Sarah, this is Ed with FOX-FM. We are live on the air right now
    and I've been talking with Brian for a couple of hours now."
    >
    > Sarah: (laughing) "A couple of hours?"
    >
    > DJ: "Well, a while now. He is on the line with us. Brian knows not to tell
    > any answers away or you'll lose. Sooooooo... do you know the rules of
    > 'Mate Match'?"
    >
    > Sarah: "No."
    >
    > DJ: "Good!"
    >
    > Brian: (laughing)
    >
    > Sarah: (laughing) "Brian, what the hell are you up to?"
    >
    > Brian: (laughing) "Just answer his questions honestly, okay? Be
    > completely honest."
    >
    > DJ: "Yeah yeah yeah. Sure. Now, I will ask you 3 questions, Sarah.
    If your answers match Brian's answers, then the both of you will be off to
    the Gold Coast for 5 days on us.
    >
    > Sarah: (laughing) "Yes."
    >
    > DJ: "Alright. When did you last have sex, Sarah?"
    >
    > Sarah: "Oh God, Brian....uh, this morning before Brian went to
    work."
    >
    > DJ: "What time?"
    >
    > Sarah: "Around 8 this morning."
    >
    > DJ: "Very good. Next question. How long did it last?"
    >
    > Sarah: "12, 15 minutes maybe." DJ: "Hmmmm. That's close enough. I am
    > sure
    > she is trying to protect his manhood. We've got one last question,
    > Sarah.
    > You are one question away from a trip to the Gold Coast. Are you
    ready?"
    >
    >
    > Sarah: (laughing) "Yes."
    >
    > DJ: "Where did you have it?"
    >
    > Sarah: "OH MY GOD, BRIAN!! You didn't tell them that did you?"
    >
    > Brian: "Just tell him, honey."
    >
    > DJ: "What is bothering you so much, Sarah?"
    >
    > Sarah: "Well..."
    >
    > DJ: Come on Sarah.....where did you have it?
    >
    > Sarah: "Up the arse....."
    >
    > After a long pause, the DJ said, "Folks, we need to take a station
    > break"
    >
    > And the drivers of Sydney almost crashed their cars laughing!
    >

    Monday, April 18, 2005

    Interesting....





    You Are 45% Normal

    (Somewhat Normal)









    While some of your behavior is quite normal...

    Other things you do are downright strange

    You've got a little of your freak going on

    But you mostly keep your weirdness to yourself










    Your Brain is 46.67% Female, 53.33% Male



    Your brain is a healthy mix of male and female

    You are both sensitive and savvy

    Rational and reasonable, you tend to keep level headed

    But you also tend to wear your heart on your sleeve










    Your Inner European is Italian!









    Passionate and colorful.

    You show the world what culture really is.










    Your Seduction Style: The Natural





    You don't really try to seduce people... it just seems to happen.
    Fun loving and free spirited, you bring out the inner child in people.
    You are spontaneous, sincere, and unpretentious - a hard combo to find!
    People drop their guard around you, and find themselves falling fast.









    You Are 29 Years Old



    29





    Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe.

    13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world.

    20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences.

    30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more!

    40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.









    You Are a Drama Princess (or Prince)


    (You are more dramatic than 30% of the population.)


    You're not over the top dramatic, but you have your moments.

    You know how to steal the spotlight...

    And how to act out to get your way.


    People around you know that you're good for a laugh.

    But at times, your drama gets a bit too much for everyone.

    Tone it down a tad, and you'll still be the center of attention.









    You Are From Venus



    You love all forms of beauty. You love dressing up and anything luxurious.
    A social butterfly, you're incredibly popular and a great host.
    You're known for your fairness and affection. And as a frind to all.
    Careful though! You're desire to please may make you too willing to conform.
    Be yourself. Focus on what matters to you. You'll be all the more popular for it.











    You Are a New School Democrat



    You like partying and politics - and are likely to be young and affluent.

    You're less religious, traditional, and uptight than most Democrats.

    Smoking pot, homosexuality, and gambling are all okay in your book.

    You prefer that the government help people take care of themselves.










    Your Dominant Intelligence is Logical-Mathematical Intelligence





    You are great at finding patterns and relationships between things.
    Always curious about how things work, you love to set up experiments.
    You need for the world to make sense - and are good at making sense of it.
    You have a head for numbers and math ... and you can solve almost any logic puzzle.

    You would make a great scientist, engineer, computer programmer, researcher, accountant, or mathematician.


    Monday, March 28, 2005

    Fifteen 50s - Blogshares Mission #131

    1. Better Colour: Blue or Red?
    Red
    2. Better Fruit: Apples or Oranges?
    Oranges
    3. More scared of: Snakes or Spiders?
    Snakes
    4. Better Music: Rock or Country?
    Rock
    5. Better Season: Summer or Winter?
    Winter
    6. Better Football: Soccer or Rugby?
    Soccer
    7. What sort of person are you: Morning or Night?
    Night
    8. @Work: Hard at work or Hardly working?
    Hard at work
    9. Opinion of Girls: Sugar or Spice?
    Spice
    10. Reading a newspaper: News first or Straight to the funny bits?
    News first
    11. CDs: Buy them or Burn them?
    Buy them
    12. Better taste of a pig: Bacon or Ham?
    Bacon
    13. Getting mugged: Your money or Your life (take them on)?
    Life
    14. Better pop: Madonna or Britney Spears?
    Madonna
    15. Broken a bone in your body before: Yes or No?
    Yes

    Chk out the creator of this meme: Fifteen 50s


    Wednesday, March 23, 2005

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